Life happens when hope enters the battle.
Updated: Apr 16, 2022
Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!"
She looked at herself in the mirror thinking, who am I? Her life was lost in the ashes of drama, shame, and scandal. Will I ever live beyond this? she thought. The attempt to see life unattached to the details of her hostile present was impossible to envision. As she attempted to put mascara on her swollen eyes from the tears that put her to sleep the night before, frustration was now added to the grief that ate at her insides as she realized that no amount of make up would hide the appearance of brokenness. She did the best she could applying the rest of her make up to her warm flushed face. She then attempted to style her hair so she could face another dreadful day of hostility with not only the outside but her inside world. The one accessory she wished she could leave at home was the one that attached itself to her. It was the heaviest of everything she wore. It was the accessory that caught her tears that escaped her swipe. It was the scarlet letter. Every day, it sat on her chest, invading her style and confidence. What haunted her the most was the idea that no matter how well she groomed, she would never be able to dress away that red letter.
-I AM SHE
God is with me, and my life will tell, being gracious to others doing all things well. This was the meaning of my name on a keychain I received for my 10th birthday. I recited this poem repeatedly, and for nearly 29 years, though I lost the key chain, I remembered what it said. The first statement, God is with me is what was engraved on my heart. It was something I felt since I was much younger than 10. So when I got the keychain, it was confirmation of what was already becoming so real to me. As I began to understand what this meant, I battled that I felt like something else was after me. Having dreams and visions at such a young age, I also encountered demonic spirits that came to intimidate and kill. But I knew there was a certain peace in God, so I pursued that peace. At age15, I said Yes to God, and He filled me with His spirit. Though young and trying to find myself, it was clear that I’d found my life source. However, I didn’t realize the intensity of the battle. I was unaware of the actual war that was waged against me. At 20, I accepted my call to preach the Gospel. That same year, I was married and had my first child. By 21, suddenly, there wasn’t just a war against me. There was a war in me. My life shattered into pieces at the age of 22. I went from a young girl who felt confident that God was with her to not being sure of anything anymore. Divorced, ashamed, condemned, hopeless, angry, confused, conflicted, and so much more, I felt like I died along with every Word ever spoken over my life. I felt like I’d reached the end of the journey where God was with me. Suicidal, covered in the stain of guilt, embarrassment, and doubt, I felt my grip had been broken forever.
BUT one day, hope entered the battle. Truth violently came rushing in, and I felt my strength coming back. The Words that God engraved in my heart proved to have their place. I made up in my mind that come what may; I would fight to believe in the God who persuaded the little girl. I’d made up in my mind that even if my circumstances didn’t change that I’d believe in the valley. I’d believe there for the rest of my life if I had to. My faith increased breath by breath. I pressed into His presence in my mind, realizing that I was yet perfectly hidden in Him then, just as I was at 15. Grace was faithful to cover me, and Truth raised me up.
It was in the valley that I met face to face with the one whom my soul had loved for as long as I can remember. I’d felt Him. I’d loved everything I heard about Him. I'd told of my own experiences, but it was in the darkness that I truly was introduced to His light and His reckless love.
I soon realized that the place that seemed to shatter destiny was the moment that came to bulldoze every attachment that would compromise my faith. It was the moment that was most necessary to fulfill my life’s purpose. It was where I learned that the most crucial part of the call is not how well you live; instead, it is how well you will die.
I died, and Christ broke through.
I soon understood that this was the order and requirement of the call and would be for the rest of my life.
To die until there is nothing left of me so that all of Christ can break through.
My journey with Christ has been a journey of nothing but faith. From the beginning until now, all I’ve ever had is the gift to believe. Although it has been my decision, I count it nothing but a gift that God would place in us an ability to access and possess the full experience of who He is through our commitment to believe.
That little girl is now 38. She’s seen a lot. She’s gone through personal deserts and storms. She’s been knocked down. She’s cried many tears. Devastating parts of her journey have been publicly displayed.
She had to endure pains beyond what she could understand.
Although she didn’t always know, she certainly knows now, that faith is and will always be the victory!
I learned how to believe in the middle of a battle. I learned that we overcome by believing. I learned that God is faithful to those that believe. I learned that NOTHING is impossible to those that believe!
It will never be about what you see; it’s about what your faith can.
God is in covenant with me and you. He will never defy His covenant. He’s a God of mercy, and He’s a God of love!
All it takes is the decision to settle in faith regardless of where you are and what’s going on.
All it takes is a decision to believe in the one who so loved you that He took the limitations of your life upon himself and conquered on your behalf.
He has given life and liberty to all who will believe.
His report is your outcome when you believe.
His life becomes your life when you believe.
The charges against you are dropped when you believe.
Dreams become a reality when you believe.
There is safety in the valley of the death when you believe.
There’s a life apart from the natural that is accessible only to those who believe!
There is hope and a future when you believe.
Breakthrough happens when you believe.
In this life, you’ll have many troubles, but Christ overcame them, and you will too, if you only believe.
Many waters of doubt will try to take your faith.
But when they write your story, whatever it might be, may it end with these two Words of victory, “She believed.”